Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The last time I'll ever be able to do this "hilarious" bit on The Beaver magazine

The Beaver is changing its name. Something about it being mistaken as porn by online filters. Go figure!

I used to do a bit on The Beaver magazine in my stand-up act. Sadly it will expire in about another couple of weeks, if that. The bit and the act.

RIP, The Beaver. And RIP this "hilarious" bit:
"Think about this scary fact: kids growing up now have computers in their rooms from which they can access porn anytime they like. A porn portal! And I resent that... because when we were kids, we used to have to work hard for our porn!"

"We'd have to put on a disguise. Sneak around the store, look for the dirty magazines section. Take one off the stand, tip toe to the checkout. Lower your voice: "How much for the Beaver magazine, kind sir?" Sneak it home, wait for my parents to fall asleep, and get out my flashlight."

"And then it was, "Ahhhhh - what have you got for me The Beaver magazine! What!? It's a Canadian History magazine!? OK, I guess I'll read about the invention of Medicare."

"Six hours later, I'd wake up drenched in sweat, "Wow - Tommy Douglas was the greatest Canadian!"
Wah, wah, wah.

Long live "Canada's History" magazine!


  1. My first thought this morning when I heard the news on the radio was: "oh. There goes my aresenal of 'beaver' jokes." Real tragic news in that sense. But the real tragedy is the new name choice: could they get any more unoriginal?

  2. Yeah, it's a dull, new name.

    Bring back The Beaver!

  3. I think the punchline would be funnier as: "Tommy Douglas was the Greatest Canadian!"

  4. Tommy Douglas was the Milton Berle of Canadian politics.

  5. In an only somewhat related note, an Australian friend of mine says that the word "root" is, um, a colourful, as in blue, verb in Australia, so sportwear with the "Roots" logo (a beaver graphic) plays as really hilarious there. Can anyone verify this? He always brings Rootswear to give away when he goes there.


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