Monday, September 13, 2010

The Angry Birds hate our freedom

Hooray for...Angry Birds. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da Angry Birds...

"Mommy, why are the birdies so angry?"

"Because they hate our freedom, son."

Like millions of other iPhone/iPad users, I'm addicted to the Angry Birds game.

The story: Green pigs eat the birds' eggs. This makes the birds understandably angry. So, you commandeer the birds to take revenge by launching them from a slingshot into the pigs and their dwellings, made of stone, wood, steel, and ice. Mmmm....chilled ham!

You only advance after you kill all of the pigs - the more creatively the better. Some birds dive bomb, some split into three, some blow themselves up, and some just bonk their heads against a piece of steel, fall to their deaths, and exact no damage at all.

For the low, low price of 99 cents, you get over 100 levels of mayhem with a locked level that promises even more bloodshed "coming soon."

What's not to love?

I was enjoying slaughtering the pigs - bacon for everyone! - but when I reached the city level, I realized that the game had tricked me into joining a terrorist cell of feathery suicide bombers intent on destroying the pigs' hard-fought and -won freedoms.

In this scene, you can't help but notice that I'm lobbing bombs at defenseless piggie children - Babe: Pig in the City, is that you? Is it wrong to hold them responsible for the sins of their fathers, who were only looking after the well-being of their little piggies by putting a few omelets on their plates?

I don't know how the pigs constructed a Tower of London made out of ice, but it seems like an overreaction on the part of the birds to lob bombs at it. I mean, the pigs just took your eggs! Destroying their meticulously constructed ice tower in return is kind of like bringing a bazooka to a knife fight.

Now, I understand that the Angry Birds are talking about building a nest just blocks from the downed ice tower, making some pigs pig-biting mad. Birds say the nest will be open to everyone, pigs and birds alike, it will encourage discourse between all species, and house a daycare, theatre, track, pool, and gym.

Is it too soon for an Angry Pigs app?


  1. I love that game, but as someone who's not on the go a lot, I haven't progressed very far. Apparently you can buy your way to the next level using a pay character called "The Mighty Eagle"...

    Can't say I would do this though, I'm too cheap and have too much pride for that!

  2. I realize that my iPhone has plenty of other uses than just being an "Angry Birds" machine, but I'm pretty sure I'll never get to experience them first hand.

  3. I'm behind on life because all I'm doing is playing Angry Birds.

  4. I just heard of this yesterday! Conan O'Brien is also a fan:

  5. Well, in their defence, they may just be eggs to you and I, and indeed the pigs, but they are in fact the unborn children of the birds. So they are almost justified in their lust for bloody revenge; indeed, by sacrificing their own lives in the effort, they may even be hinting at some sort of honour code, much like the samurai of old. An eye for an eye, but willing to lay down their own lives for the cause (and without killing innocent pigs, of which there are none, natch).

    Meanwhile, you and I can throw birds at pigs to our hearts' content. :)


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