I believe I've had enough of that Olympic Believe song.
Just one play away from being its own element on the periodic table with the equally odorless, colorless, and poisonous freon, it's time for us to join hands and sing kumbaya or some other song - any other song - before we start believing ourselves into oblivion (or is that "o-believe-ion?").
Since I'm not one to complain without offering constructive solutions (err...yeah, sure...), I'm offering up some replacement tunes you can believe in.
Who's with me?
1. Cher - Believe
Key line: "I can feel something inside me say, I really don't think you're strong enough, no!"
Critique: Too much self-doubt for Olympians, I'd wager, but the disco beat would fool 'em.
2. Lou Reed and John Cale - I Believe
Key line: "I believe an eye for an eye is elemental."
Critique: The gun in the video is no starter pistol.
3. Journey - Don't Stop Believin'
Key line: "Workin' hard to get my fill. Everybody wants a thrill."
Critique: None. As I've said before, this song is perfect in every way for every occasion.
4. Chris Isaak (or the dude in this video, who isn't half bad) - I Believe
Key line: "Sometimes our dreams just don't come true."
Critique: More self-doubt, but more Olympians' dreams don't come true, so it's grounded in reality.
5. Joey Scarbury - Believe it or Not
Key line: "Believe it or not, it's just me."
Critique: Too humble. We like our athletes to be super-human, not to fly "on a wing and a prayer."
Bonus! Early contender for the summer Olympics!
6. Belle and Sebastian - The Stars of Track and Field
Key line: "You only did it so that you could wear your terry underwear."
Critique: Too slow for the victory montage, but isn't it about time that wimpy, pale people get to have their say at sporting events?