Monday, April 25, 2011

My 10 stock answers for "Why don't you have kids?!"

There's one. Run!

If you're lucky enough to one day make it to your 40s without having kids, you'll find that there's a certain segment of the population - called "parents" - who will demand an explanation of you.

When they do, sit back, smile, and use one of my stock lines:

1. I chose freedom.

2. I believe the position of whining bald baby has already been filled in my household.

3. I'm afraid they'd play with my toys.

4. I'm like Tarzan; with one yell, all of my genetic material comes back to help me fight the evil doers.

5. Can't afford to, thanks to all of the education taxes I pay for yours.

6. I can't hear you with this condom pulled over my head.

7. In order to have kids, you must have at some point had sex.

8. I do not want anything that Celine Dion wants.

9. Doesn't the world already have enough snot?

10. I'm waiting until I'm 80 to have them - no one expects you to change a dirty diaper when you're wearing one.

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