But at the heart of every iPad user lies a wounded child just waiting to be asked by someone - anyone! - for a demo.
And when they do, you'll want to be ready with something good to show them; like with TV, if you ain't got fast-moving, dynamic visuals and a great gimmick, you ain't got nuthin' - well, except maybe Jersey Shore.
Uh-oh...I think we have - "a situation!"
Of course, you should start by showing them the basics: turning on the iPad, locking the screen, checking emails (delete the Viagra spam first!), and showing them the crystal-clear photos and videos from your predictably sad "I'm having a yes-year!" vacation to Mexico with your middle-aged cousin, Mabel (real names have been changed).
Then, wake them up and show them these awesome apps:
1. Skull X-Ray:
Best bragging opportunity: everyone. Including the undead.
So dumb it's genius: a dayglow skull you hold up in front of your face that moves its mouth when you speak.
I've been using it to recite my favorite moments from this week's strike meeting:
- "Mandate, mandate, who's got the mandate?"
- "Find a win-win."
- "Wizard of Oz pulling the levers."
- "Tweedledee and Tweedledumber."
Oh, skull, you're so funny! In a completely non-legally binding way that respects the provisions of any and all collective agreements now and in perpetuity.
At 99 cents, you can't afford NOT to buy it:
2. Marvel Comics:
Best bragging opportunity: 40-year-old geeks.
Get your geek on. Like you aren't already, if you're reading this.
Marvel Comics does everything that everyone in publishing should be doing to stay relevant and make money.
The Marvel app is free, as is some of the content. But it looks so great, it's not too long before you're going, "Well, OK, I'll just download this one issue of the X-Men" and plunking down $2 per issue for the privilege.
It's cool that Marvel gives away new, free comics every week and tailors them for the new medium - check out that eye-popping color and the sliding comic-book panels (especially impressive the first time you see them).
It's enough to get a 40-year-old lapsed comics collector reading - and buying - comics again.
Best bragging opportunity: mom.
Whether you're Epicurious or outright Epi, the Epicurious app is the perfect pre-dinner appetizer. Or is that app-etizer. See what I did there? Awww, forget it.
The free app has over 27,000 recipes and lets you create and email shopping lists, save the recipes you love, and browse recipes and ingredients.
I have this app on the iPhone, but the incredible full-screen landscape view on the iPad takes it to the next level of gorgeous.
I haven't made my own dinner in years (thanks Corydon restaurants!), but I look at this stunning app all the time. A man can dream, and drool on his iPad, right?
4. Real Soccer HD:
Best bragging opportunity: boys, men, Boyz II Men.
The World Cup will be starting soon, which means that I'll be needing something to do while others watch it.
Why not this insanely great Soccer app, so mind-blowing in terms of visuals and gameplay, it gives the Xbox and all console games a run for their money?
This app costs $6.99, but the first time you do a throw-in by shaking the iPad - damn you iPad! - you realize that it's the best $6.99 you've ever spent.
Best bragging opportunity: everyone. And George Costanza.
Lily pad, meet iPad.
What could be more brain-numbingly fun than making a frog jump from lily pad to lily pad on an iPad? Turns out: nothing!
Painfully simple and addictive - and when your frog falls into the river, you should hear the curse words that come out of your mouth. As salty as the sea from whence the frog came!
The app is free, but they charge you a couple of bucks each time you want to unlock a level.
Question: why does the frog die when it lands in the water?
Answer: ask BP.
6. Kindle, Kobo, and iBooks for iPad (separate apps):
Best bragging opportunity: book lovers. Parents. Morley Walker.
If the Kindle is the natural enemy of the iPad, then why is there a Kindle iPad app that syncs all of your Kindle purchases with your iPad, so you can read books on both?
Who cares? All I know is that it works, and it's lovely.
Oh yeah: you'll note that the third book, below, is none other than recent CreComm grad's Janet Adamana's Rice & Mashed Potatoes.
Kobo and iBooks are more of the same: beautiful, free bookstore apps that together make the best case for a vibrant online future for books and reading you can imagine - a noble pursuit for any vainglorious braggart.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad