Thursday, January 13, 2011

Some more classic songs to ban in Canada


Some filthy smut from the perverted mind of...er...Mark Knopfler.

Watch out, Moxy Früvous.

We finally found out this week that Dire Straits' Money For Nothing is too racy for Canadian radio - Dire Straits?! From 1985?! The duet with Sting?! That they played at Live Aid? Uh, OK. 

I must also point out something that's pretty obvious but that no one else has pointed out: the "narrators" in Money For Nothing are uneducated boneheads - as illustrated in the video - who are passing commentary on millionaire rock stars, who get their "money for nothing, and their chicks for free" and the song is, in fact, passing commentary on them! Ugh.

Let's have a look at some more classic songs that should be banned instantaneously, for the good of the children, dammit! Darn it! Dagnabit!

1. Lou Reed - Walk on the Wild Side

Objectionable language: But she never lost her head, even when she was giving head.




    2. The Who - Pictures of Lily

    Objectionable story: Kid can't sleep. Dad buys kid a girlie poster. Boy masturbates and sleeps better.




    3. Jerry Lee Lewis - Great Balls of Fire

    Objectionable language: That would be the title of the song.




    4. Bruce Springsteen - Blinded by the Light

    Objectionable language:
    • And little Early-Pearly came by in her curly-wurly
    • Some all-hot half-shot was headin' for the hot spot, snappin' his fingers, clappin' his hands 
    • And some fleshpot mascot was tied into a lover's knot with a whatnot in her hand
    • And now young Scott with a slingshot finally found a tender spot and throws his lover in the sand
    • And some fresh-sown moonstone was messin' with his frozen zone to remind him of the feeling of romance
    • And some kidnapped handicap was complainin' that he caught the clap from some mousetrap he bought last night



    5. The Kinks - Lola

    Objectionable story: Guy meets girl who "walks like a man." He pushes her away. He falls to the floor. And...well...err...




    6. Them - Gloria

    Objectionable lyrics:

    Comes a-walkin' down my street
    When she comes to my house
    She knocks upon my door
    And then she comes in my room




    7.  Rough Trade - High School Confidential

    Objectionable lyrics: 
    • She's a cool, blonde, scheming, bitch
    • It make me cream my jeans when she come my way
    • Who's that guy - is he screwing with her?!



    8. Big Joe Turner - Shake, Rattle and Roll

    Objectionable lyrics:

    Way you wear those dresses, the sun comes shinin' through
    I can't believe my eyes, all that mess belongs to you




    9. Tommy James and the Shondells - Hanky Panky

    Objectionable story: I have it on good authority that his girl does the hanky panky. Smut!




    10. Little Richard - Good Golly Miss Molly

    Objectionable lyrics:
    • Good golly, Miss Molly, sure like to ball
    • Kiss me ting-a-ling-a-ling

    3 comments:

    1. Oh man- I adore Walk on the Wild Side, BECAUSE it both has beautiful lines like that & a alludes to a gender change. I like feel-good stories. (Probably why I like Lola, actually...)

      Regardless; you have forever sullied my view of Good Golly Miss Molly. Little Richard never was good at subtlety.

      ReplyDelete
    2. Maybe the Manfred Mann version of BBTL is acceptable ?

      ReplyDelete