Ode to the meter reader

There is a fellow dressed in yellow
Who creeps around all day
While others work, he's the jerk
Who tows their cars away

From far and wide, the people hide
When e'er he comes around
For they all know, his wont's to go
And ticket all he's found

What makes this fellow dressed in yellow
Ply his nasty trade?
What makes this jerk make his life's work
To make good folks afraid?

With my resolve, I tried to solve
The riddles posed above
So I asked the reader at my meter
Where 'twas that he got off

To my surprise, his yellow eyes
Were actually dead and grey
His ticket stack was damp and whack
His waistline curds and whey

Are you the jerk whose nasty work
Makes men cry in their beds?
Are you the ass whose smelly gas
Makes children shake with dread?

And then the fellow dressed in yellow
For a moment scratched his head
Looked to the sky tho' wondering why
Then the bastard turned yellow and fled.

Ten reasons I'm proud to be Canadian

This isn't one of them.

1. Celine doesn't live here anymore.

2. Alan Thicke? He's ours. Howie Mandel? He's ours too!

3. Former Prime Minister Jean Chretien wanders the countryside seeking his half-brother Caine, armed only with his cool Ray-Bans and and wicked kung-fu grip.

4. Degrassi reruns whenever you turn on the TV.

5. Can rip off Letterman's Top 10 List, and he can't do a damn thing about it.

6. The largest selection of skin-tight Speedos with a maple leaf on the crotch on the planet.

7. The 20 per cent discount at participating Tim Hortons when you show your Social Insurance Number.

8. Molson Canadian empties on the road are eyesores, many say. But at night, reflecting bright, they safely guide the way.

9. We only ever riot when we have to - like when the Vancouver Canucks lose or something.

10. We're damn good looking.