14 new words to help you be more like Anthony Weiner

See numbers 10, 11, 12 (photo from the Telegraph).

1. Anxiet - Stress-related weight loss.

2. Cheaple - Thrifty human beings.

3. Fatio - A paved, outdoor eating area.

4. Hacktics - Actions or strategies designed to cause chaos.

5. Hughway - The acting technique in which actors work out and grow sideburns.

6. Lakred - A large volume of holy water.

7. Lambinal - A mild person with a bad temper.

8. Massagony - The organized hatred of massage therapists.

9. Mentorly Ill - Getting a headache from having too many mentors.

10. Perpetweeter - A person who regularly commits wrongdoing on Twitter - like, oh, the guy pictured at the top of this post.

11. Perversevere - Continuing to behave in an objectionable way with no indication of success - like, oh, the guy pictured at the top of this post.

12. Selfishies - People who only share photographs of themselves online. Like, oh, aww, forget it.

13. Unitasker - A person who can only listen to music, talk on the phone, drive a car, OR do his or her homework.

14. Zooters - Generic name for any restaurant serving chicken wings within an establishment that also houses animals.

Wouldn't it be gross if...you discovered the key to life?

Assiniboine Park from Wikimedia: keep your pants on, folks. 

From the mouths of babes.

Back in high school, I once drove through Assiniboine Park with some friends, and one of them - apropos of nothing - said, "Wouldn't it be gross if everyone in the park dropped their pants, and you were forced to smell their bumholes?"

After initially mocking him, we broke into discussion groups, hashed out the issue in detail and came to a consensus: it wouldn't be so bad if you wanted to do it, but if you were forced to do it, it would be awful.

Years later, I'd discover that we'd not only cracked (Get it? Cracked? Awww, forget it.) the conundrum, but also come up with the key to school, work, and life.

My friend who initially posed the question is doing well in Toronto, where he does PR for the Canadian government. He says the job stinks, but it's not so bad if you want to do it.