Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Eleven new words to fill your muggle

See number 7. Has nothing to do with Harry Potter. 

1. Appservescence - The tendency of awesome apps to rise to the top of the app store.

2. Cinnamom - Mothers who know the secret ingredient to every great dessert.

3. Deeprest - The way to overcome depression.

4. Diss Stress - The way to overcome stress.

5. Fulfilling Station - A self-actualization facility.

6. Hamnesia - Eating a great pork roast and forgetting about it.

7. Muggle - See photo, above.

8. Obamatoba - What we'd call our province if Obama had bought it, as suggested in the New York Times (see paragraph 12).

9. Strawb - A straw for smoothies.

10. TOFT - Too Obscure For Twitter. Example: "What's this about Carole Pope stepping down?"

11. Twaffic - Twitter traffic reports.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Unique solutions for your advertising-cliché needs


Hello ad clichés, my old friends. I've come to talk with you again. 

My war on advertising clichés has been hard fought and lost over the past decade, yet I soldier on even while knowing, inevitably, the day I retire from work will be filled with gifts emblazoned with the word "unique," as though my hatred of the word was some personal foible and not the war on creativity and humanity itself that I know it to be. 

This year, I provided to students a handy list of the words, phrases, and constructions to avoid when creating an ad. I challenge them, you, and the population of planet Earth - nay: the Universe - to never use any of these again in advertising or life. 

See you at the unique retirement party!
  1. Unique
  2. Solutions
  3. Something for everyone
  4. From (blank) to (blank), we have it all
  5. Whether you want (blank) or (blank)…
  6. A wide variety of...
  7. We are dedicated to...
  8. We believe...
  9. We aim to... 
  10. No matter the occasion...
  11. For all your (blank) needs.
  12. We provide you...
  13. We offer you...
  14. We cater to...
  15. (Blank)…since 1980; Since 1980, we’ve been...
  16. We are proud to...; Proud providers of...
  17. (Blank) is located in (blank)
  18. Can be found
  19. We promote...
  20. For people from all walks of life